Well, so much for striving to keep my record clean. I have exceeded the minimum number of lates allowed to an employee for a month so now, I am entitled to a memo warning that if I should repeat such act, I would be held under suspension.

Tsk...tsk...

As I think about it, mahal ko rin pala ang trabaho ko. Alam ko corny at maraming makakabasa nito ang magtataas ng kilay. After griping on this blog how much this work sucks, ngayon I’ve realized mahal ko rin siya.

Siguro kasi sa hirap maghanap ng trabaho, masarap yakapin ang seguridad na in-o-offer ng work ko ngayon. It may be the most non perkiest job in the world and most boring one, but let’s face it. It’s a job.

No offense, to those who have come and go by this company. I respect their decisions and I salute them for braving the unpredictable currents. Maybe I’m just scared to leave something that assures me of a regular paycheck every month.

I know the pay is not enough. But it will do. It will get me by. Not unless I find a better job. Better job means the same security I have now and a bigger pay. Pero meron ba nun ngayon? Minsan naiisip ko mag-call center. Pero mas malala pa sa mood swings ko ang mood swings ng call center. After a few months, saan na naman ako pupulutin?

Marami akong balak sa buhay. Kagaya ng mga kasama kong umalis na naghanap ng ibang karera, pangarap ko rin ang mag-resign. Ayoko rin namang maging ito na ang una at huli kong trabaho sa tanang buhay ko. Pero ayokong pumasok sa isang bagay nang walang kasiguruhan.

I can’t afford it. Not now. Not when many people are counting on me. Not when you are aiming to achieve a dream. Ang prayers ko lang, anuman iyong plano kong iyon sa buhay ko, sana ma-achieve ko siya before I turn 30. Para naman masabi kong nagkaroon ng silbi ang mahabang panahong pagbubulay-bulay ko sa kung anong gusto kong mangyari sa buhay ko.

Am I past the quarterlife crisis? I don’t think so. I’m still going through it. And I feel tired battling it. But I don’t want all these to be a defeated cause at the end. There had been too many losers around me for the past years, I sure don’t want to get in line.

Just to remind everyone...this is my book...

And I am begging you (i'm on my knees right now) to please try it out. The are already out in National bookstore so you might want to take a look. It's only P35 and I can assure you it could be worth your time. If you didn't like it, you can email me or post a comment here for your criticisms so I can improve my work the next time.

Why am I doing this? Because the last time I went by the bookstore with some of my writer friends, I felt so sad when I saw the pile of books on the shelf. They are all mine. The fact that they are more than isang dangkal thick...ano ba isang dangkal sa English? Well...yun nga...the pile of my books on the shelf is still isang dangkal thick which means no one's buying it. Almira told me, ganyan talaga kasi bago ka pa. But still It felt bad knowing that my first attempt to be a so-called writer flopped.

On the ratio of my friends, out of 10 people who promised me to buy a copy of my book, only 2 obliged. So if my friends are reading this, please buy your copy na! Hehe! Talk about coercive advertisement!

Speaking of my writer friends, I went to the quarterly PHR meeting last Saturday. I was hesitating at first on going. Una dahil I was so stressed. We went home late from work last Friday. I think I timed out at around 1:30 am. So I wasn't able to report to work the next day, which is a Saturday because my head was throbbing, I think it would burst! Pangalawa, I felt bad knowing that the series I am planning to propose was already taken.

If anyone, would ever ask me to join the Rotary Club, I'd give you a piece or two of what I've been through editing and pressworking that damn souvenir program of theirs. Hey, no offense to the Rotary Club who is having their centennial anniversary this week! Happy centennial! I was just so stressed out from all the fuss in making all the names of your officers right. Imagine, checking out the names of all the officers of all the Rotary Clubs in the Philippines!

Well, anyway, forget about the Rotary. I'm really glad that I went last Saturday. It was refreshing to see my writer friends again. It was nice to talk about a totally different thing from what I am doing here in the office. The food was great as always! And we have some goodies to take home. I got the complimentary copies of my book which I gave to Sonia Francesca and Sofia, two of my dearest classmates in college who managed to stay in touch once in a while.

Writer nga pala ako no? Medyo kasi hindi na ako nakakagawa ulit ng kwentong barbero ko kaya hindi na nasusundan pa ang isa pang nobela ko. Well, hopefully, I get to finish all the stories that are either piled up in the hard disks of my computers at home and here in the office or encode the ones that are still painstakingly handwritten in notebooks.

Ulit....Ito po iyong book ko...

Ganito po itsura. Hanap niyo sa bookstore. Bili na kayo...please?

I had a long week. It wasn’t even finished yet but because of too much things going on around me, it felt like those seven days seemed longer.

The Burial

Grace’s grandmother passed away last week. I know I had been telling people that someone died from the family to explain my few days of not being around. But hey, Grace is family. Her family is family too. It may not be binded by blood but binded by friendship and faith.

For the past few days, we’ve been vigiling at the St. Peter Memorial whaterver-you-call-it for the wake. Lots of people come and go every night. They do have a big family. A big and warm family. I gained new friends. I met some of her cousins and pamangkins. It was like a reunion. They were all very friendly and accommodating. One of them even read my novel. And I was quite flattered with the feedbacks. Plus, the burial introduced me to my new addiction...the INIPIT!

I have seen the ads over and over again on television where Maverick and Ariel kept on yakking and yakking their hilarious stuff. But I ignored it not knowing that the INIPIT would soon captivate me. Now, I’m hunting it like crazy. I’ve been looking for it in groceries, sari-sari stores...kulang na lang pati hardware pagtanungan ko!

I never realized how delicious it was. It reminds me of the good ol’ PIANONO...those delicious creamy and sugary rolls. Yumyum!

The Funeral

The funeral went on smoothly. Nothing enjoys me much but being part of a convoy. I love those hazard lights turned on and being part of the queue of vehicles all counterflowing traffic while a traffic enforcer brings all incoming traffic to a halt. It thrills me. I just love convoys especially during roadtrips!

The Roadtrip

Oh, yeah! Last Saturday we went to Marilao, Bulacan to accompany the community pastor of the Galas Locale move to his new chapel in the province. The send-off party were composed of 11 vehicles including Grace’s owner. That was the ultimate roadtrip of my life so far.

Hindi naman namin alam kung saan talaga iyong exact location. Basta ang alam namin sa Marilao. At dahil sadyang mga layas kaming nilalang, medyo nasanay na rin naman kami sa expressway. Salamat sa aming kaibigang si Eden na taga-Bulacan, pakiramdam tuloy namin, Bulakenya na rin kami by heart. Kaya ayun, naunahan namin lahat ng kasama naming sasakyan. Pagdating sa toll gate ng Marilao, 15 mins pa kami nag-antay.

Astig! To think that Grace was the only lady driver among the bunch and we only drove her good ‘ol owner-type jeep. Astig talaga! I told you, Grace is one driver you shouldn’t underestimate. She may be a girl but she is not a disgrace to the female driving society. She can make you eat your own dust!

That trip was really cool! We realized we knew that place all along. We never asked for directions. It’s a good thing that we already threaded that path during one of our Grotto trips.

The Church

I’m currently being doctrined to become a member of the Iglesia ni Cristo. It is a big move for me. Some might wonder why would I prefer to change religion. Well, I’ve been religionless for quite some time. All I have is nothing but faith. But faith alone is useless unless you put it to good use and serve God. Naks! Banal ako, Pare!

But I have come to a point in my life where something seems to be missing. Alam ko naman ang sagot sa mga tanong ko. I know what the missing piece is. I’m just too stubborn and scared to admit it. Sabi nila pag-isipan ko raw muna ng maraming beses. But I have been contemplating this for almost six years now. Grace have long been convincing me but I was just so hesitant.

My family doesn’t approve of me strolling away from Catholicism. But after my cousin, Rose Ann, came up with a bold move to convert (she is also joining INC), I realized, what the heck! I think I’m old enough to decide for that. Besides, I’m not really a Catholic. I was born Catholic but never grew up to understand their principles. I studied in a Christian school eversince gradeschool so I became Christian by faith. I just never really joined a church because Lola won’t let me.

Now, I am actually having a spiritual jumpstart. I still am not a full pledged member and servant so there is still a long way for me to go. Trials and more of it would be coming my way to test my faith. I know...that’s how it goes. But I could victor them all.

It may be awkward to talk about religion and faith. People who know me would find it odd that I would even blog about it. I was never vocal. My voice was lost a long time ago when I entered college. The candle of my faith is faintly burning. The light is not enough to illuminate my path. And as I again rekindle what’s left of my faith, I hope tha candle burns brighter.

I am not blogging this to justify my decision nor to convince myself more. I am blogging this because I am thankful that I now feel more relieved than ever. I can feel the burden slowly being lifted off me. Plus, I want to appreciate the warmth and camaraderie that people around me is showing. I have known them for quite sometime now. But being bonded to them by one important thing is very overwhelming. It really is. And I’m glad. For once, I felt like I belong.

Well, that’s it. It’s been quite a while since I’ve written a blog. This explains why this blog is rather long.

One more thing...Grace and I went to the bookstore yesterday. She bought a copy of my novel. I felt sad because I saw all the stocks still piled up. After several weeks of its release, the copies are still there lying around the shelves and being ignored. I compared it with other contemporaries and my! I still have a very long way to go. I felt sad and depressed. It seems as though my first novel is gonna be a flop.

Makes me think about my ability to write. Maybe I am not a writer enough. Maybe I am not worth reading and buying after all. :-(

I might be kind. I might be generous. I might we worth worshipping at this moment because I am sharing my mp3 with many of my readers.

I won’t oppose. Yes, I am kind (pag tulog). But there are times when I fail at these duties. Don’t take me wrong. I don’t resent giving away my mp3s for free. It’s just there are times when I tend to be slow in the sharing department.

To my avid mp3 suki, I apologize for not being able to grant all your requests. I know most of you would post here out of desperation and would really be tediously anticipating the files in your inbox only to find out that I didn’t send it. Sorry for that.

There are several reasons for that. First, my mp3 files are stored in my office computer. Therefore, I can only send them to you when I am at the office. Which, these days are often as compared to the last quarter of 2004. I know. Last year I was a total bum and had been slacking off my butt most of the time. So, I was seldom seen here at the office. But now, since it’s a new year, I might as well throw that bad habit to the trash. I will try to work harder so that I don’t end up whining the whole year long. That’s a promise I really intend to keep.

Second, since I am at the office, I am often preoccupied with my workload. Like these past few days. We are wrapping up the last issue of our magazine for this school year so I really have my hands full. I don’t even have the time to visit my blogsite. So there...I wasn’t able to grant the requests of the hopeful souls who kept on visiting and posting on my site.

But hey! I am very much thankful that people are actually taking time visiting my blogsite. Although most of my entries were about my seemingly unsubstantial existence, I find joy in seeing my site meter rolled up to four digits now. Thank you for supporting my blogsite and thank you for appreciating the hard work I put into it. But of course, there are still those rogue ones who kept on posting curses and excruciating stuff. I beg you to please drop it. I am deleting those posts and nobody can stop me from doing so.

I know there are times that my opinions and insights might be against your own perspectives but hey! This is a free country and I am entitled to have my own point of view and to express it as well. I can be political sometimes maybe because I love this country so much and I believe in its people so much that it sometimes pissed me off to encounter a few rotten ones who doesn’t appreciate the heritage and culture we have.

Anyways, another thing is...I apologize if there are times that I wasn’t able to give you all the mp3s you need. Say for example, that song in the Coke commercial. Someone e-mailed me asking for an mp3 of that song. I am sorry because I still haven’t found one. As for the Lovers in Paris soundtrack, I only have three, namely, Nu Ha Na Man (Only You), Close To You and Wag na Wag Mong Sasabihin. Limewire only gave me that on my search and I am still yet to find the others.

Regarding as to where I downloaded it, it came from Limewire. A search engine software for Macintosh system. Much like the Kazaa, I think, for PCs. I have no knowledge of the exact website.

What else? Do I sound preachy? Or a whiner?

Basta! Hindi naman po sa nagsusungit ako. Meron po kasi ako ngayon kaya pasensiya na. Kaunting unawa lang. Hehe!

Ibinuhos ko lang ang laman ng aking isipan at sana naman ay naunawaan niyo lahat ang aking niloloob. Hindi ko ipinapangakong maibibigay ko ang lahat ng inyong kahilingan pero handa naman akong ibahagi ang anumang meron ako na makatutulong sa inyong lahat.

I am on the “Kitchie Mode” these days. Its like, as Kat puts it, a phase in your life when you are seemingly obsessed and taken aback by artists, celebrities, things and stuff that never ceases to amaze your brain cells. And right now, that’s Kitchie Nadal for me.

I was never a fanatic of the music scene. Because I such a dork during my highschool days and I only began my fascination with MTV during my college years, I had no sense of appreciation whatsoever of the coolest thing in the music scene. Sure, I do like a few songs but they are just as dorky or equally quirky than I am. Whatever that means!

I admit that once in my life, just like Kat again (gaya-gaya!), I also had those embarassing phases where I get so caught up with the ”jologs” uso.

Yes, I admit! I once went ga-ga over these:

• original Ang TV gang, the TGIS gang (until Growing Up)
• the Universal Motion Dancers (especially Wowie De Guzman and the twins)
• That’s Entertainment
• the Moffats
• the Hansons (when they were kids)
• the Streetboys (especially jong hilario, niko cruz and vong navarro)
• the Backstreet Boys (yeah, Nick Carter!)
• the Spice Girls (esp. Sporty Spice)
• Shaider
• Bioman
• Mask Rider Black
• Machine Man
• Gimik
• Beverly Hills 90210
• Doggie Howser MD
• Baywatch
• Night Rider
• Batman (the non-animation, super-corny version)
• Pandakekoks (Hero Bautista, et al...all turning into moronic looking amphibians)
• Okay Ka Fairy Ko (the magic never fades)
• Batibot (sino ba naman ang hindi?)
• GMA supershow (dahil iyon pa lang ang nag-iisang Sunday noontime variety show noon)
• Ipaglaban Mo (that’s when my fantasy of becoming a lawyer came from)
• Lovingly Yours (when the late Helen Vela was still the host)
• Picket Fences (that’s where I first knew Holly Marie Combs, now a.k.a Piper Halliwell of Charmed)
• Patrick Garcia (I cried buckets of tears when I watched Batang PX)
• Devon Sawa (I had my room’s wall full of his pin-ups)
• Mighty Ducks (quack...quack!)
• Star Wars (hanggang ngayon naman, eh!)

Well, those were the years. Now I still have my phases, embarrassing as they are.

Yeah, the Kitchie mode. I can’t help it. After hearing her Wag na Wag over and over again as promo score for Lovers in Paris, I was hooked. I can’t stop myself from downloading all her songs. I certainly do wish to see her live in the flesh and hear her golden voice.

I just adore how good she is. I can’t help but be proud that Filipino artists could really give foreign acts a run for their money. Just like that Rico Blanca/Rivermaya song You’ll Be Safe Here. If you are to put him side by side any foreign band, he would surely put up a good fight.

I know I may sound preachy but I really do wish that local music artists would continue to make good music like that and penetrate the Asian market. Nevermind the Westerners...Asia is the next big thing. So I say, go for Asianization!

For those who want Kitchie Nadal mp3s, I have some and my playlist includes: Run, You’re Worthy, Deliverance, Same Ground, Wag na Wag Mong Sasabihin, Bulong, her version of Tom’s Diner and Turn Off the Lights, Steady Ka Lang, Say It, Breathe, and Drained. If you want a copy of any of these mp3s just post the song you want and your e-mail address.

The penguins are here! I can't believe it! It's like a dream come true! I was watching Magandang Gabi Bayan earlier when I caught sight of those adorable black and white creatures running around the TV screen like a bunch of wackos. They are actually here!

At long last, I have a chance to see real penguins! Penguins are my most favorite animal in the world. They are sweet, loving and adorably cute. I love watching them at the Discovery Channel and National Geographic. Since then I have long wished to see them in real life. I know I can't have them as a pet because I think I'd have to nurture the whole flock. Based from their characteristics, they seem to be too attach to each other that living alone would be totally depressing for them. But I'd love to see one!

So now, I'm looking forward to a trip to Harrison Plaza in Malate to get a glimpse of those adorable beings. And I want a picture beside them. I just can't wait! Penguins, penguins, penguins!

ito naman iyong kinanta ni carlo kay vivian nung malungkot si vivian. tagalog version na ito.

Can I Love You? (Sarang hae do dwel gga yo)
Tagalog Version

Bakit litong-lito ang damdamin ko sayo
Bakit hindi alam kung ano ang nais ko

Mula ng makita ka, puso ko ay nag-iba
Hindi alam, umiibig na nga ba sayo

Sa paghikbi, taglay ko ang ngiti mo
Ang nasa utak ko
Ang makasama ka habang buhay

Ikaw lamang ang pag-ibig ko
Kahit masaktan ako
Ang buhay ko'y alay t'wina
Dumaan man ang bagyo
Pagmamahal ko, tapat at wagas
Kahit magunaw ang mundo
Narito lang sa piling mo,
Naghihintay
Umaasang mapansin mo

Sa paghikbi, taglay ko ang ngiti mo
Ang nasa utak ko,
Ay makasama ka habang buhay

Ikaw lamang ang mahal ko ngayon
Hanggang walang hanggan
Hindi magbabago kahit lumipas ang panahon
Pagmamahal na alay ko sayo
Magunaw man ating mundo
Narito lang sa piling mo, naghihintay, umaasang mapansin mo.

Narito ako, sumasamong mahalin mo.

sori. wala pa akong mp3 nito. naghahanap pa lang.

o, eto pa. ito naman iyong song nung unang beses na nag-kiss si vivian at carlo. iyong nakita sila ni martin sa lobby nung isang parang bar na pinuntahan nila.

nuh eh gyut eu roh - close to you (OPENING SONG)
sung by: Jo Sung Mo

nuhn ahl go eet ni nahn mal ya
nuh eh ha yan oot seum ee ja ggoo man gi uhk na
ba bo chuh ruhm oot ge dwae

na bo da muhn juh nae noon ee
ni ga geu ri wuh nul chat ja ga neun ji
neul nuh reul bo ge dwae

na neun eek sook ha ji ahn ah suh
noo goo do sarang han juhk up suh suh
ja ggo kuh jyuh ga neun nuh reul ji wuh bo ji man
nuh reul sarang hae do dwe geht ni
woo ri shi jahk hae do dwe geht ni
na eh sang chuh man eun ga seum ee
nuh reul ool ge hal ji do mol la

sarang mal roh hal jool mol la suh
nuh reul ahn eul jool eul mol la suh
nae ga jool soo eet neun ma eum man eu roh
nul ji kyuh nael yong gi up neun nal
sarang hae joo geht ni

nahn eek sook hae jyuh buh ryut ssuh
nuh eh ha yang oot seum ee ah chim eul ggae woo neun
na eh sal mi dwe uh ssuh

nan gi dae ha go eet suh ssuh
nuh eh ha roo eh do nae ga eet gi reul
duh ba ra ge dwaet ssuh

ga ggeum nuh eh noon bit sohk eh suh
na ah nin noo goon ga reul bol ddae myun
byuh rang ggeut eh sun deut jul mang ee nal ggae uht ssuh

nuh reul sarang hae do dwe geht ni
woo ri shi jak hae do dwe geht ni
na eh sang chuh man eun ga seum ee
nuh reul ool ge hal ji do mol la

sarang mal roh hal jool mol la suh
nuh reul ahn eul jool eul mol la suh
nae ga jool soo eet neun ma eum man eu roh
nul ji kyuh nael yong gi up neun nal
sarang hae joo geht ni

sarang mi duh bon jok up suh suh
sarang hae bon juhk do up suh suh
tung bin ga seum eu roh sal ah ga dun nal
ga deuk hee nun chae woo go eet ssuh
nuh eh sarang eu roh

sino may gusto ng mp3 nito? taas ang paa!

here is the love song that made me cry. nu ha na man is one of the lovers in paris original soundtrack. it was sang by jo sung mo, a korean singer who sang other korean drama soundtracks. the song's english title is only you.

a jik ha ji mot han ma ri man heun de
a jik joo ji mot han gut do man heun de
i byu ri ran hang sang gap ja gi wa suh
byun myung jo cha joon bi hal soo ga up suh
wae keu rae ssuh i rul mal ha gi kka ji
do dae che ul ma na hon ja suh oon guh ya
ba bo gat i keu gut do mo reu ko uhl him deul ge haet duhn
nae ga duh mi woo jyuh

*nuh ha na man a moo mal an hae do
na eui noon man bwa do nae ma eum eul
al gon haet jan ha
nuh ha na man boo di haeng bok ha ra neun
in sa do jin shim i a nin guhl da al jan ha

jab go ship eun ma eum eul deul gil kka bwa
moo seun ma reul han ji do mo reu ge ssuh
sa rang i ran ga ggeum gu ji seul mal hae
o hi ryuh duh ki peun sang chuh reul joo nae

gi ok ha ni na ha na man i sseu myuhn
i se sang uh di deun chuhn hollywood i dwe da myuh
a i chuh ruhm hwan han oo seum eu ro
nae uh dom ma juh do balk hyu joon nuh jan ha

*nuh ha na man a moo mal an hae do
na eui noon man bwa do nae ma eum eul
al gon haet jan ha
nuh ha na man boo di haeng bok ha ra neun
in sa do jin shim i a nin guhl da al jan ha

ka ji ma nan nuh yuh ya man hae
nuh ha na ppoon in guhl nuhn uhn je kka ji na

na ral jan ha sa rang han sa ram do
a peu ro sa rang hal sa ram do nuh
ha na ppoon i ya
ni ap e suhn nuh moo suh tool gi man han na ji man
nae mam mo reu ni keu ruhl soo man it da myun
nuh wa nae ga seum eul ba kkool ten de.

ito iyong theme song ni vivian and carlo. una itong ginamit nung natulog si carlo sa bahay ni vivian. pero naging super prominent noong nag-break na sila at iwan ni vivian si carlo sa tabi ng wishing fountain. ito iyong episode na kahit ala-sais na ng umaga at wala pa akong tulog, iyak pa rin ako ng iyak na mag-isa. simula nun naging LSS ko na ang kantang ito. at hindi na ako tumigil sa paghahanap ng mp3 nito. at sa wakas! nakatisod ako nito sa limewire. buti na lang!

to those who want to have an mp3 of nu ha na man, click pillows for your thoughts right after this message and post your e-mail address.

a million thanks to all who bought and read my book. i hope you like my humble attempt to put romance into words.

sa totoo lang medyo shy type ako kapag may nagsasabing nabasa na nila ang story ko o kaya ay nakita sa bookstore. kasi naman alam kong bagito pa ako sa larangang ito at ang unang kwentong aking isinulat ay nilikha ko isang taon na ang nakakalipas bago pa man ako mag-workshop sa precious. kaya halos pasemplang-semplang ang narration at point of views ng mga character.

pero hindi naman sa pagbubuhat ng bangko. nung basahin ko siya (dahil nakalimutan ko na ang story sa tagal ng pagpublish), naaliw naman ako sa kanya. hindi ko nga lang alam kung sapat na ba ang elemento upang kiligin at ma-inlove ang mga magbabasa.

gusto ko nang palitan itong blog ko. ewan ko ba pero parang nagsasawa na kong hindi mawari. parang gusto kong baguhin kaso inaatake ako ng katamaran. maraming work dito sa office kaya hindi ko maisisingit ang paggawa ng panibagong design atsaka, kailangang i-stretch ko na naman ang mga neurons sa utak ko para maunawaan ko ang html code.

sabi na ngang ako ay isang idiota pagdating sa mga bagay na may kinalaman sa makabagong teknolohiya. hindi pa kasi uso ang blog sa bundok na pinanggalingan ko. ngayon pa nga lang sila natututong gumamit ng salawal.

siguro umiral na naman ang pagkainggitera ko. nakita ko kasing lumipat na ng blogsite si kat. kaya ayun, gusto ko ring magpalit. pero bahala na!

so far, masaya pa rin ako sa accomplishment ko. may book na ako! yehey!